Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show

Sigh. If I had the time and the money I would have loved to be there. A few years ago I went with my barn as a groom and while it was difficult work it was an awesome experience. I have a goal to make it back there someday. But the next time I set foot at Westworld I hope it is as a competitor.

In the meantime I am greatly enjoying watching the live feed. So far I've seen some wonderful classes. I just watched a saddle seat equitation class that was great. I've also watched some English pleasure and Country English pleasure. I also got to see one on my old barn mates take a top ten ribbon. I also liked the Youth Showmanship classes as well. Sadly I haven't seen any driving classes yet, but the show is not over. I'm also looking forward to seeing some reining and cow work. :)

Here's to another week of horse show!

Aroma Therapy

I had one of those days. You know, those days where you wake up in the morning and the blah is palpable in the air. Your eyes haven't been open for more than a few moments, and in spite of all your efforts to put on your positive attitude you come to the realization of the truth. It's just one of those days.

I donned a sweater and a pair of slacks, and wished that I could trade them in for a ratty pair of jeans and an old T-shirt with a great big green drool stain from that hoofed animal I loved the most. I was running late for work and made a quick PB&J and headed out the door into the dimly lit morning.

There once was a time when then only thing that could compel me to get out of bed before the sun was knowing a barn full of hungry horses waited for me. It always made happy to open the barn door and hear a chorus of horses herald my arrival. I know they where only calling for their food but it made me feel a little bit special.

The people at the call center where I am held in interment for the larger part of the day don't greet me like that. I plop down in office chair only to discover that some one has traded my good chair for one of the broken ones. I mutter and steal someone else's chair, finally ready to spend a fun filled day fixing computers and talking to people who can't figure out how to plug their computer into a wall, or click and drag.

Fortunately heaven decided to pour a little sunshine down and interrupt the grey monotony of the day. Sometimes when there aren't enough technology illiterate people calling for assistance the call center will send people home. I was sent and was rather happy about it.

Since I had some unusual free time I went to the DMV to finally renew my plates, which expired in January. The DMV is rather close to the barn where Fame was boarded after I left the show barn. After Fame passed I avoided going to stables for a time. I kept on avoiding them for fear that I would get all sappy and weepy or do something stupid like buy another horse, which I cannot afford to do.

Despite my trepidation I eventually found my self pulling up that familiar drive way. I parked and stepped out of my dumpy Chev Cavalier. I inhaled deeply. If happy had a smell it would smell like a farm.

Best cure for the blah.

Name Change

My horse passed away in May, and since then I have wondered if I should take the blog down or just call this chapter in my life closed.

I can't make myself do it. I am a horsewoman, that's who I am. I am also a horsewoman in a difficult place in life. I do not own my own property and my financial situation is such that that it would not be responsible for me to take on another horse, as much as I'd like one. So for the time being my saddles, bits, harnesses, cart are all collecting dust. But I am bent on not keeping them that way forever.

Ultimately I intend to study Equine Science. I'll get an associates in Vet Tech and then a bachelors in Equine Science with a Management emphasis. Now, in my last go around with collage education I was a multi-media/animation major. It's kind of a 360 to equine science, I'll give you that, and some might worry about the kind of jobs are available. But I've come to the conclusion that there are very few sure things in life. I've had more than one friend go to collage and get a degree in something they didn't enjoy because it was a "solid" career field. Only to burn out or to go though all of that and have their life go off in an incredibly different direction.

The world has decided that a person needs to have a degree to be any good, I might as well study something that I have a drive and a passion for. Getting myself back on a educational path is not going to be simple. My last foray into the horse world left a pretty ugly mark on my collage transcript, which is my fault. There are still a lot of things about my life that need sorted out but for the first time since I graduated high school I feel like I have a direction, it only took years to figure it out.

These next few months will be exciting, things will be happening that I'm sure will make dramatic changes in my life.

Empty

I feel incomplete somehow, like a portion of my soul was forcibly removed and a gaping bleeding hole was left behind. My animals made up such a large portion of my life that I hardly can figure out what to do with my life. I've trudged for years through a cesspool of dead end jobs, one right after another, for the sole purpose of caring for Laika and Fame. I rolled through the motions of life, putting up with jobs that I hated for those precious times when Laika would rest her head on my lap or lay on my feet on cold nights. Or when Fame, good, wonderful Fame would drape his head over my shoulder and stand and let me stroke his long neck and run my fingers through his mane and just let me cry out the frustrations of the day.

It's hard to lose an animal you cared for. It's harder to lose both in the same year. Fame passed in May, Laika in November and now in February I still find myself braking down from time to time. I still cannot go through a day without feeling like I've forgotten to feed the dog or break the ice on her water bucket.

I sometimes feel like I'm crazy for feeling this way, and non-horse/dog people don't understand it. To other what I mourn for is "just a dog", "just a horse", "just an animal". I feel like people expect me to get over it quickly be cause I mourn an animal death rather than a person. That irritates me a little, it like cheapening the lives of the two creatures I loved most, or cheapening my attachment to Laika and Fame because they aren't human.

I miss them and I'm likely to go on missing them.